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What It Means to Be a Mother...

I used to think being a mother is easy, that it is cool and it is something every woman should dream to be...

And I was right all along... 😍

Being a mother can be as challenging as can be. There are no breaks, no pauses, no excuses when you are a mother. When I think of how good of a mother I can be, I still think of myself as someone who still needs to learn a lot, but when I think of my Mama, I am assured that I will be okay as a mom.

You see, my mother was brilliant. She lived a life that was full - full of love. She may not have provided all the material wants I needed but she taught me strength, she instilled my deepest values and she gave me something that no other mother could ever give - the best 25 years of my life! I have to be honest, although I loved her so much, there were times when I didn't like her or didn't want to become her, but now that I am a mother, more then ever, I strive to at least do half as much as she has done for me for my daughter.

Mama knows almost everything about me: my likes, my dislikes. She loves and adores me so much that she even buys kitchenware in my favorite color - yellow! She knows that I have some "issue" when I am not speaking anymore - and she would buy me halo-halo so I would feel better. She is the best and nobody can replace her.

I will not dwell anymore on her not being around physically anymore, because in my heart, she lives. One of her dreams is to be a fulltime, stay at home mom which she fulfilled when she retired from a disease. She made up for all the times she was busy when I was a child. She loved me like a baby even if I was already in college that time - and I will never forget that.

People say mothers love spoiling their children. I have to admit, she did that as well to me - she spoiled me with her love. Just enough love to make me feel I didn't need anyone else (which explains why I never had a serious relationship when she was still with me). I always wanted her to be proud of me even if I didn't need to do anything. She loved me enough to teach me how to be responsible and care for myself - she taught me the value of work and responsibility. She allowed me to do chores even if I was still in high school. She was always the one who encouraged me everytime I felt like quitting. She always says, "What's important is you tried".

I am hoping I have loved her enough and that she felt that when she was still here. I will never forget us exchanging notes when one isn't around, or the text messages we would have that would always say "luv u" in the end. She gave me the best memories any daughter could have. 

Now that I'm a Mommy myself, I do my best to be a good mother to my daughter. One of the reasons why I choose and decided to work from home is because of my Mama. I remember she cared for me by herself until I was two before she went to work, and I know she wanted to be there for me every step of the way, every minute but she needed to work as a teacher. Now, I will also do my best to be with my daughter and manage to work from home as well. Today, I understand why that was her dream - she loved me more than anyone else!

For new mommies like me, it will always be a challenge to really know what it means to be a mom, but for me who now only has memories of her mother, knowing what being a mother means is relatively easy - it is dedicating your life to your children - making decisions that will only be for the best welfare of your children even if it would cause you some pain.

Mama, I may have caused you a lot of pain when I was younger (and stupid. hehe), and I thank you for always being there for me. 

Thank you...

for being my stronghold, 
for being my teacher, 
for being my fan,
for being my friend,
for being my confidant, 
for being my counselor,
for being my coach, 
for being my inspiration, 
for seeing the humor in everything,

and most of all for being my mother....

I sometimes wish God could give us just one more day so I could tell you I turned out fine, so I could introduce to you my husband whom you also prayed for, so I can let you play with your granddaughter who also loves to dance. I know that may seem impossible, but in God's time, we will see you again in heaven. Until then, I will try to be the best mother I can be.

I love you Mama and I thank you for showing me what it means to be a mother. I now understand why you made it seem so easy, so cool and why I also wanted to be a mother myself - and that is because when you are a mother, God plants your heart with a lot of love!

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there!

I dedicated this song to you, Mama!